"In the beginning you knew,
Then you pretended to forget
Then you pretended to forget you forgot
Then you forgot you pretended
Yesterday I went with darling Sarah (Soulwave Institute supreme chief) to Harbin Hot Springs, to check out the facility we are going to use for our weeklong Meltdown training that starts in a week. The Harbin folk are SO loving and supportive to us these days! We went in the silky warm pool in this pic, then into the very hot, then run into the very-cold, bow to Quan Yin, back into the very-hot, then back, back, back... I had never done this so many times and felt an exhilarating energy. But, driving home, I was so "relaxed" that I had to stop at a Starbucks...
The Soulwave Two training facility is a beautiful place in the woods, which is where I taught the first Meltdown training, about 11 years ago. As I stood in the room looking out at the mountainside and actual SNOW, I remembered the experience of that first training. In fact, standing in a particular corner of the room regressed me directly into the feeling I had when I first sat down with those 15 or so intrepid wavers:
"Hmmm! I don't really know how this is going to come out. I've felt the presence of the meltdown information landing (mixed metaphor alert!) on my informational landing strip like a ball of twine that wants to be unravelled; but I haven't fully unravelled it. These transmissions seem to come through best in the presence of committed beloveds who desire the information. Help! Use me, Goddess! Here goes..."
It worked and the Meltdown technique was birthed, and has since been refined over 11 years. In the past year or so, as motherwave has morphed into soulwave, the Meltdown has been reborn in a simpler and more memorable format.
Why didn't I think of that before? Ah, the endless evolution of consciousness! We never step in the same river twice, said the Greek geek, Heraclitus.
And talking of those balls of information, as you may remember me saying if you've taken Wave Two, those informational balls of twine were dubbed "rotes" by Robert Monroe, author of Journeys Out Of The Body and other great books. If you haven't read Monroe, you might want to check out his stuff. He was a businessman who spontaneously started leaving his body decades ago, before such things were widely discussed. His out-of-body journeys were so lucid that he could actually watch the neighbors'... (ahem...) private lives. He thought he was crazy (don't we all think we're crazy when we're close to a pioneering breakthrough!) until he started meeting likeminded crazies.
I met Monroe before he died for the last time when I went for several weeks to the Monroe Institute in the 80s. He had established a center in Virgina where you could put on headphones in dark womb-like cubicles and try journeying. I didn't journey. Typically, for me, I ended up thinking, "It must be great for all the others." But in another training I took, I did come across Mother Mary, chatting away to me, tossing me rotes...
Ah yes, rotes!...
Monroe writes about travelling into other dimensions every single night, and meeting various entities with names like Q176 (being an Alpha Male-type Dude, he probably couldn't have handled meeting anyone with a name like Saint Germain or Antara!). They would tell him the secrets of life, telepathically. Sometimes they would tell him so much at once that he would have to save it for later deciphering, and this is what he described thus: "The entity tossed me a ROTE."
Many of us receive "rotes" from our higher selves every day. I know I do! Since my initial motherwave awakening in 1994, I have felt a veritable information download-overload. I sometimes cannot adequately file the number of revelations that appear to my consciousness. I have felt great stress at times from feeling like a steward to some fields of information that feel important and precious. At other times, like when I am teaching, I feel gratitude and bliss about this open access. There is a great line in the Upanishads that I just read this morning, in Stephen Mitchell's book, The Enlightened Mind:
"When you see that God acts through you in every moment, in every movement of mind or body, you attain true freedom."
The biggest mystery to me has been how to write my book. I started writing about the motherwave soon after meeting it. My book expanded to a 1000-page ramble that tried to cover everything. Then I decided to cut it down to just the information in Wave One, thinking that I would write a book for each Wave of the work (seven Waves!). However, the book about Wave One, by the time I wrote it (and I did!) ran to nearly 600 pages. So I decided to make that into a trilogy. I had nearly completed the first part of that trilogy in 2003, cleverly weaving the story of discovering my ideal relationship into each chapter, in order to illustrate the principles. Then, -- POOF! -- my ideal relationship melted itself down, and not just my love-life went back to the drawing board.
Everything I formerly understood about everything changed radically, as I went through my soul-striptease experiment. As I have been gradually re-dressing myself in more soul-colored garments, most of the basic motherwave technology has reappeared as soulwave. I've found that yer basic wave-tech still works best for me, after taking another extended tour of all the healing approaches out there.
So my new book is about the basics, and it is shorter, sweeter, has an incredibly catchy title and a basic How-To message. I even have interest from a couple of hot publishing sources (btw I have a total of 11 books outlined in my computer today, and as information comes in, I try to drop it into the appropriate outline).
But my current inner guidance has been to continue my journey into myself, and the edges I am exploring are not quite the same as the introductory book's message. I haven't felt much energy in recent weeks to write - even to write the book proposal. I've learned not to push myself. I'm not being lazy. When the timing is right I write day and night and it pours out at an astonishing rate, in whole paragraphs.
I'm still attending my weekly writing group. Some members understand and trust my process, others think I just need to "get down to it." This endless debate between surrender and control is, as you know if you've been a student, a major interest of mine. In the Quadrant Leap process, we learn to journey or "wave" back and forth between these two points on life's spectrum, in the flow of life. That is how this feels. I'm definitely in the Surrender mode most of the time, and every now and then I feel a strong inner wave of energy to Manifest something, and I do. Then I rest back in the arms of the Beloved again. Seems to be working, and it definitely beats the old "pushing" style that I favored most of my life.
Some concerned friends are wondering whether "the book" will ever happen without someone sitting on me. If someone shows up to sit on me, that might be fun! Sarah has proposed that I offer a series of private talks in my home that would be recorded and transcribed, to at least kick-start the book. That sounds like fun. That was how I produced the Body In Love tape series.
A book advance would get me in manifestation mode, too. Yet I'm not pursuing one, at least today.
Bottom line: I feel as though I belong to the Beloved.
I have felt inklings of this my whole adult life, since one of my earliest awakening experiences at the age of about 17. I was walking along a road in the Dutch countryside, a barefoot hippie (no drugs though!) on some kind of journey of discovery. Suddenly I was filled with an absolutely overwhelming Presence of Love. I was an atheist at the time, raised by atheists, 100% whole-grain atheist. The Love guided me into awareness of my breath, and I found myself pulled into this awareness like a vortex of bliss and coming-homeness. "You are loved. You are mine always," the Presence seemed to be telling me, through the wavy language of breath. I went on a train to Amsterdam and met a woman in the street who seemed to be in a similar state. She gave me the address of my then-future guru's ashram. The rest is spiritual hypestory until I emerged 12 years later.
Despite many exciting experiences I didn't really feel that full Presence again until around 1994 when I met the motherwave.
And now, more than 30 years later the endless expanding spiral of the Divine through my inner breath is still where I feel the Real Love. In the last year this feeling of Oneness with Whom-I-Really-Love, and Who-Really-Loves-Me, has become the foreground of my experience more and more --now much-- of the time. Hallelujah!
Since there is now the wondrous phenomenon of Olympic Short Track Skating ("Go Apolo!") on TV, I'll end this entry with the Rumi poem I'm always quoting:
I belong to the Beloved,
have seen the two worlds as one...
Outer, Inner, Only Breath....
Love to Y'All...