I kind of like it. And I liked it for years and decades when I was teaching seminars to groups, many weekends, and there was a receptive place (they were often actually paying me!) to flow-it-through to!
Now, although I’m enjoying my hiatus, I sometimes feel a bit constipated by all these realizations.
The download just showed me that it’s not a download but a downWAVE. I saw that when I “upwave” or “iWave” myself into the universe or the Infinite Wave, It turns around and downwaves back. In other words, when I ask for guidance (and I have been asking), there is a response.
In other "other words," because one linguistic format may work better for you than another: In iWave terms, when I practice the inner melting from dry to wet, at any and all levels of consciousness (body, breath, mind, emotions, sense of identity), I feel myself ––my so-called “self”––turning from a particle to a wave. From small “I” to Big I. But those are just words.
In spiritual terms, when I listen closely for the still small voice of God, It sometimes talks back dynamic and big. In something close to English. Large batches of information arrive fully formed, that I can unpack in words. I know that you might sing them, dance them, play them, paint them. We are all unique expressions and how beautiful is that! Roses and orchids and grapevines all have their place, and God don't make no weeds.
Just now, that still small voice became loud and unstoppable in my awareness, moving me to stop my chores and come here to write this (a great sacrifice, to leave those dishes!).
Creativity is in our nature, and many people I work with struggle with their creativity. They take creative workshops. They struggle with life purpose and read books with “life purpose” in the title. These have not been an issue for me. I have felt “used,” in a good way, as a sort of helpful channel, for most of my life. (My issues have been with the people-interface, and taking everyone else’s experiences personally). Yet I can truthfully encourage you, re your creativity and life purpose: it is sitting right there, waiting to flow through, to downwave into and through you.
How? My experience has been that one door leads to All Of It. I am trying to complete a short introductory book that explains (without me standing there in front of you) what that door is. Or rather where it is, and how to open it. I am also preparing the “HOW” page for this website. The short version of HOW is that the small self needs to melt into the Larger Self. And that this needs to be a palpable, felt experience, not just a theory. I find that a little melting into the infinite wave brings an almost immediate response. I put my hand closer to the fire and almost burn my fingers. I know I just switched from a watery metaphor to a fiery one, but it's still all waves, all the way through. Nothing else exists.
However, trying to be creative never works for me. I just have to forget about it, do the dishes, and surf the infinite wave inside myself, and all else seems to be added unto me.
A bit more about how I experience the downwave:
It’s often a response to some question I have asked––perhaps non-verbally. Often it has arisen just because I am living my life. Our personal life is a sort of question that Life is always offering to answer. Then, while living my life, I see the answer. Except that it’s not really just a “seeing” but an inner “knowing”, or “getting” –as in “got it!”––in several dimensions like a hologram that I’m exploring from the inside. I can travel as far as I want in this hologram. It is infinite. Usually I am nipping around the edges. Probably God is trying to tell me the deep meaning of life, and I’m more interested in the shallow meaning of why that guy just looked at me funny, or I’m thinking about the deep psychosomatic dynamics of fear, or something like that. And it’s all divine, on a sliding scale of Oneness.
When I really relax and let go into the expanding wavy field, which is an ongoing process, I usually find something to distract me when it starts pulling me in, because of course my ego is terrified of going all the way.
One more thing: I'm not religious, but I call my source "God." Any other word makes it sound like some pet thing that I know all about and can control. So... I ask to be used by God (which is also called Life, Beingness, The Universe, the Zero Point Field, The Infinite Wave, etc.), all the time, maybe twenty times a day. I started doing this when I was 18, and if you asked me at gunpoint, I would say that this is the biggest secret to any success that I have had in this life.
"Use me, God!" (Try it.)
My cat is meowing and I realize I still didn’t feed her.
In love xxx