(I'll say a bit more about him and this event at the end of this post, after blogging for a bit about the deeper meaning of "Father.")
Now Read On...
Is this tree (below) really a Goddess?
Or is it a God, too? (Look closely!).
I'm finding that opening up to what Father Energy really means is crucial to my awakening and that of the amazing beings I work with. Many of us have had to move away from the so-called "father-dominant" side of things in order to heal our wounded feminine, and now we're ready to balance this again. And It's Complicated:
We women had to claim our own power, which in early feminism was like becoming men, or "Patriarchs In Drag." Or bitches. Then many of us realized we needed to embrace our inner goddess, our true yin. Okay, check, done that! Only now are we going back to figure out how to balance this goddess. To which "god" is she betrothed?
In an evolutionary journey that may somewhat mirror these spirals of growth, my work used to be called Motherwave, then Soulwave, now iWave or Infinite Wavework. From 1995-2004, when it was "motherwave" (a name which came to me from itself-- see my BIO), people would often ask me, (everyone's a joker!):
"Well, Kate, MOTHERwave is all well and good. But what about the FATHERwave?"
"It wouldn't fly in this day and age."
"It sounds too politically-incorrect, much like Fatherland."
"The name just "came" and I went with it."
In fact many people who dismissed motherwave because the name made it sound like (just) a "touchy feely movement thingy" expressed their astonishment when they came across the actual work and found its strong "fatherly" presence of deep and penetrating belief inquiry along with a dissolving of all form into Emptiness in the Meltdown.
In any event, the gender questions left with the arrival of Soulwave. Now, the iWavework is the truest marriage of mother and father, and it's an infinite relationship. The work retains the "mother side" --the deep, bodily and emotional openness to the waves of life that characterize a fully embodied Goddess consciousness. AND it also offers a deeper opening to the real God––Stillness, Silence, Power and Oneness ––the infinite realms of Spirit, that I needed to de-emphasize for a while in order to explore and reclaim my feminine. iWavework brings back The Father in a big way.
I need my Father!
Let me explain with a story I just heard:
On Father's Day last Sunday, I visited Unity of Marin for a brilliant service. Three guys from that community who are fathers spoke with deep feeling and honesty about what it has been like for them.
One of the dads, a chiropractor, described a near-disaster that happened many years earlier in the life of his family. After an easy first birth, an emergency happened during the birth of his second son in the family living room. The baby's heart stopped and when they pulled him out, he was blue or grey, and they had to call 911. Suddenly the room was filled with:
- a policeman, who started taking everyone's names as though it were a crime scene;
- firemen, who performed CPR and pronounced the boy "lost;"
- a distraught midwife;
- a distraught mother who had just given birth;
- and himself: The Father.
The intensity of the situation brought him into the direct experience of what being The Father meant. He was to align with the force that would and could protect his family, especially his son. In the midst of terrifying chaos, it was his job to hold the higher spiritual space. He prayed something like "God, if he's meant to go, I'll deal with it, if it is Your will, but if there is a chance that he could be saved, I want that."
Then the medics arrived. The firemen said, "It's too late," but by CHANCE one of the CPR guys had recently had a son born blue himself, and was determined to save him. He kept working and eventually got a faint heartbeat. As they rushed him to the hospital, the Father was barely permitted in the ambulance, and medical staff tried to get him out of the hospital room where they were working on the baby, but he found a deep, gentle strength, and refused to leave his son. He held onto his role as The Father, giving permission for some procedures but not others, despite guilting and pressure from the docs. They warned him that if they didn't do "X," the kid might be brain-damaged, and he simply held to his guns according to his guidance.
The happy ending is that the kid is now 17, a super-athlete and scholar, and apparently the most stubborn person anyone knows.
What was so moving for me was how this very gentle and yin-seeming guy described the deep unwavering Father strength that he was able to access. That's what we all yearn for, isn't it? That One who never leaves, who protects, who holds a clear and present space for our chaos to work itself out. Who doesn't run from our chaos. Who holds the protection around his family. The Father is more like a line, where the Goddess is a wave. He is the pole around which the feminine can dance. But many of us are dancing without a pole, and it's scary.
I'm not actually talking about a prescription for how our outer lives should be. In these times, there are so many diverse options for men, women, families, relationships, and social forms. It seems that we are all in a grand experiment. Yet internally, we want that Father to hold a strong spine, a midline of space, silence and stillness for the more chaotic side of ourselves that might be called the Mother, that moves, creates, feels, enters the darkness, feels, feels, feels, expresses... Sometimes these parts of ourselves seem like Spirit and Matter, or Mind and Body, or Mind/Spirit and Body/Emotions. We want them to be in a good marriage within ourselves.
Yet we have lost faith in The Father. And we have back problems. Perhaps some of us have come to love and respect the mother aspect of ourselves and of life more deeply. We love and support our Mother, the Earth. We can track and accept our feelings, honor our bodies, allow our many and diverse expressions of self, and so on. But in many cases this has come at the cost of our ability to really trust that One without whom the whole inner household lives in the stress of the fatherless children and the single, struggling mother. I know that within myself I have had to acknowledge and honor my deep desire to know that Something, or Someone who has it all handled. I need to know that Dad is home––at least inside.
Another way of saying this is that we have lost our ability to believe in God.
Of course, God The Father has a horrendous history socially and culturally. I don't need to go into that whole rant to those of you reading this particular blog. We have seen the violent behavior of domineering men in the past who needed to be in complete control of their families (but would not leave), replaced by the backlash of wimpy, overly-yin men who abandon women and children because they can. The value of being an upright guy who protects his children and family without domination, and holds a constant and consistent line for the women and kids in his life to dance around seems almost archaic.
Christians have rediscovered this value, with movements like the "Promise Keepers." Don't be too quick to judge them-thar-Christians (even if they are judging you as a heathen!). Much of my healing in recent years has come from reading Christian books––both the mystical kind that you would all probably more or less approve of (like Joel Goldsmith's work of The Infinite Way, which The Infinite Wave attempts to honor), AND books by Christians who are more mainstream, even (how will I show my face in Marin Whole Foods again!) almost-evangelical types!
Why do I read these books? Because
1) I'm really, really good at filtering the insane memes from the grains of deep truth, and
2) I find that Christians have part of the truth that is missing in pretty much all other spiritual resources, including practices I love such as Eastern-style Buddhism and Taoism, New Age stuff, Psychological insight and various consciousness technologies. In other words, the eclectic spirituality of which I am a long-time purveyor.
What is the part they have that's missing? A strong, loving Father to which they turn and in whom they believe. Of course, they also believe some ridiculous stuff that we find to be anathema––believe me, I know this. I'm a strong supporter of gay marriage and many other things they misguidedly oppose. I'm not joining anything. But I am reading and using nuggets to rebuild my faith in and relationship to the Father aspect of things.
Why is this a good idea? First, because it heals the body. Certain Christians have more success in healing than any number of alternative practitioners with a zillion bells and whistles. I'm currently reading a book by Henry Wright called "A More Excellent Way." Again, I can't exactly recommend it, unless you have the ability to trawl for nuggets and forgive the nonsense. But the nuggets are that in his ministry, people are consistently permanently healed of illnesses like Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Multiple Chemical Sensitivities as well as cancer.
I used to "have" fibromyalgia, and it still sneaks in as an appearance when I'm stressed. Here is what Wright says about fibromyalgia in a recent newsletter. See if you can get past your possible annoyance at his old school approach to family and take what he is saying as indicative of our inner selves, and our inner need for a stronger Father Presence.
Oh, and by the way, iWavework is all about HOW to bring this powerful, healing Father Presence back into happy marriage with the embodied, all-feeling Mother feminine.
NEW SLANT ON FIBROMYALGIA:
"Fibromyalgia is pain but no inflammation. How can you have pain with no inflammation? There's no pressure. There's no pressure on the nervous system and there is nothing organically wrong. How can you have pain when there's no reason for it? Fibromyalgia indicates pain in fibrous tissues, muscles, tendons, ligaments and other white connective tissues.
Etiology. The condition occurs mainly in females. In fact, fibromyalgia is basically a ninety-nine percent female disorder in America. But don't males have muscles and ligaments and tendons and white tissue? Don't males have bones and stuff? Aren't our skeletons and muscles pretty much the same? Then why is it a 99% female disorder? I'll tell you why in a minute.
The condition occurs mainly in females. Primary fibromyalgia syndrome is particularly likely to occur in healthy young women who tend to be stressed, tense, depressed, anxious and striving. Symptoms can be exacerbated by environmental or emotional stress or by a physician who does not give proper credence to the patient's concerns and discharges the matter as "all in the head."
What do you think the possible spiritual roots can be? Fear, anxiety, stress, drivenness, insecurity, depression. Now you understand why it is more common in females, don't you?
Fibromyalgia is primarily the result of the failure of men to cover females.
I said fibromyalgia is primarily the result of men who have not taken care of the females and have left them stranded with responsibilities and cares and abandonment and issues that God did not create them to handle.
So they find themselves in an area of insecurity and fear, having to perform, having to exist not feeling loved, not feeling cared for, driven to exist. No one is covering them with love and they become scattered and smothered. All of a sudden this battleground of fear and anxiety surges nerve activity and the flaring of dendrites and now they've got fibromyalgia.
Begin to get rid of fibromyalgia in females by loving them, covering them, securing them and making them feel like they belong, like they're really the gift of God to men. The men need to repent to females for not taking care of God's daughters.
Fibromyalgia is very easy to get healed. It's simple because there's nothing organically wrong that causes it. It's not like cancer or some tissue that needs to be re-created. It's a result of the conflict and the fear. There's no treatment. There's nothing you can take and there's no cure in the natural. Many people in America today are free of fibromyalgia when they understand the battleground."
(Pastor Henry Wright)
**Oh yes, and about that picture of my dad and the queen, etc. at the top... here is what I wrote in my blog just before his death in 2005:
"This pic is of my dear dad, who is on life's home stretch. Physicist, published novelist, violinist, museum director, jazz pianist... Until I visited him a couple of weeks ago, I never saw this photo of him with the Royal Family, taken long, long ago (see how young Charles looks, pre-Diana!) nor had I seen my dad's "C.B.E." medal, (which means "Commander of the British Empire" and is one beneath a "Sir"). Why had I never seen these? Because my family was so socialist and egalitarian that this royal and medal stuff was almost embarrassing, almost an anti-status event. However, I am now an American and am happy to exploit this status: time for some respect, guys, I'm the daughter of a Commander!"