So why did I call this first new blog entry “Nothing Happening?” I obviously deserve some drama, sympathy and oh-gosh points from all of those events, don’t I? Or am I trying to be the super-cool-non-dual-spirituality babe who pretends to be enlightened but is really wildly dissociating? Nah, been there, done that.
What I really want to write about here is how to integrate, or make whole, the seemingly polar opposites of personal emotional compassion with embodied authenticity (aka feeling your feelings) AND continuous awareness of the Absolute Reality that it’s all a dream, or as I say in my trainings, “It’s Not Real. It’s Not Personal. It’s Not Serious.”
My own path has followed multiple branches, from being a monk with an Indian guru in my 20s, to being an alternative therapist/practitioner in my 30s, founding motherwave in my 40s, losing everything and resurrecting with soulwave and i-Wavework in my 50s… Some of the directions I’ve been taken are: the exploration of chaos theory and how it relates to personal transformation, how the theory and practice of surfing waves in breath, body, emotions, thoughts, and other dimensions without names, can allow connection between all aspects of our experience, from soup to nuts, personal emotional pain to impersonal Oneness…
For a long time, it’s all, obviously, been both/and, for me. In other words,
BOTH: 1) we need to wake up to Truth, or Reality, and the undeniable reality is that It’s All One (as I moaned on my one acid trip, aged 19), or as I say now “There’s Only One Of It!”
AND: 2) we may THINK we are there, because – well – because we THINK we are there, but thinking, that fine masculine pole of our so-called “higher mind” or neocortex, is only one of the many dimensions of our being.
In fact these higher thoughts only use the upper lobes of our most recent brain, and attempt in many cases to override or dominate the other realms of experience generated by our two “lower” and MUCH OLDER brains. The neocortex, or thinking brain, is the new kid on the block. Below it, or back in time, is our limbic or mammalian brain, easiest to think of as our EMOTIONAL BRAIN, and below that is the ancient much-maligned reptilian or INSTINCTUAL BRAIN. This old snake-brain, the dragon within us, has been mistreated for millennia, but it still dominates us through deep instincts of fear, survival, competition, sexual conquest, territorial BS, and so on, along with its younger ally, the mammalian brain, which yearns for connection but because of its early-life imprinting tends to make us yearn for the wrong folks to connect with, or leave them if they say yes, or stalk them if they say no, etc.
Yikes! No wonder we have all these images of the “Higher Self” slaying the serpent or the dragon. Google “archangel pic” and you will see that they are ALL killing dragons or snakes, or in other words, they represent domination over the reptilian brain or human instinct.
Yet in English churches from the early years, there are St.George and the Dragon images which seem to show a different relationship between George and the dragon. Yes, he is holding some kind of lance that touches the dragon, but many people now believe that he and the dragon are in a cooperative relationship. He is getting the dragon’s chi, while providing the dragon with some direction for its wild energy. If you look at most statues of Mother Mary or her Buddhist counterpart, Quan Yin, you usually see the Great Mother standing on a snake or riding a dragon. Is she killing it, or incorporating its energy? More to the point, which are YOU doing? Have you felt your inner dragon recently?
New scientific research shows that we don’t really do what we think we should do, but what our instinctual and emotional brains tell us to do. And then we rationalize our choices as having been based on mental, reasoned logic. Some of the experiments are quite funny, but I won’t get into them here. The point is, however much we may think we or someone else have ascended beyond these parts of the self, my suggestion is, DON’T BELIEVE IT FOR A MOMENT.
Yet, with this cynicism, I go to many teachers for inspiration, even when––after my 30 years swimming around personally and professionally in the ocean of emotions and suppressed shame that makes up every human on the planet––I can often see all kinds of unresolved or unintegrated “stuff” in their personal vibrational field, or inherent in the theories and practices they offer. There’s a saying in 12-Step: “Take what you like and leave the rest,” which I practice quite religiously.
Life is the greatest teacher. People and teachings sometimes evolve into less polarized positions. After many years of teaching an “impersonal” teaching, many teachers get brought to their knees and start incorporating a bit more “inner body” work or “witnessing all the parts” (of course, even being a “witness” is very male-polarized, and in my earlier blog “From Witness to Wetness” I explain my take on this).
And on the other pole of this polarity, eventually many therapists who make a fortune delving into all ‘dem wounds and helping people “feel” them, come to a point where they start to take it all less seriously.
I feel almost obsessively guided to offer the world a more fluid, more human-friendly, workable methodology that includes all of the above. And yet, please don’t think I’m offering some kind of watered-down Middle Path (even if my work is all about getting “wet!”). The both/and method that I have been shown and have developed over (Jeez!) 30 years (and that is all AFTER the 12 monk years!)––is very extreme, infinite in all directions. I call it Infinite Wave or iWave, and i-Wavework is intense, in a good way.
If you try it, you will feel a lot, and experience enormous awakening energies in your body. And you will evolve your understanding until your stories about yourself, and in fact your very “self” (small “s”), have less and less traction. You will find yourself dissolving into something greater, a familiar “place” with a VERY familiar “Presence” that you may have been deeply missing.
Within all this, stuff keeps happening or not happening, and yet even the stuff that seems “bad” seems to unfold in a graceful manner. Even coming off the painkillers after my surgery, which has brought forth weird waves of emotional and physical pain, doesn’t seem too much like suffering, today.