"Ah, but I was so much older then.
I'm younger than that now." ––Bob Dylan

I just had my AMAZING 63rd birthday and a Midsummer Faerie Party. 

I feel so much older and so much younger than when I was 52 (when my alleged "life" fell apart), or 42 or even 32.


My life has been a very surprising journey. Although I was very surprised, aged 18, to find myself on the spiritual path of a monk (having been raised atheist), you cannot imagine my shock when I was hurled off the cosmic cliff, in my early 30s, demonked, and thrown back into the body, the unfelt emotions, the massive rivers and tides of the full human experience. That was the time when my career river––whatever it is––began spontaneously flowing without my really trying. And I've been riding a spontaneous wave of attempting to serve spirit in the healing and integration and me and others, ever since. Wave? River? More like a tsunami or a river rapid, it has been!

At my party, people kept saying, "You look so good for your age." "How do you do it?"  Now, I'm a "girly" type, and I work it. I eat well, exercise, and do everything I can, including cheating (and if you think about it, even wearing a bra is "cheating!")  to make my physical expression as goddess-like as possible. I just feel that this shining-forth beauty is part of my spiritual journey. It's not enlightenment OR feminine expression, but both/and. I'm in a female body, and in many ways I'm exploring a feminine psyche, although, like you, I'm really neither he nor she, but the I AM consciousness.

Anyway, the answer that I shared with my friends at my party is that, other than the above-mentioned surface reasons for looking young, I have been through many, many very intense deaths and, instead of accumulating them as layers of trauma that gradually cause aging and degeneration,  I have (to some reasonable extent) moved into and through them until everything has renewed itself. 

And––trust me!––any one of multiple traumas could have taken me out! Yet somehow, by grace, and my depending on grace, I feel as though I am not so much healing, as resurrecting. Not fixing the old body-mind that is on a trajectory through time, so much as learning to download a new energetic body from another dimension of consciousness, in the now, every day. Resurrection rather than healing. This is, of course, all relative. Aging is happening. But from descending INTO my own pain-body when life served me lemons, those experiences actually burned through my old, stressed, wounded accumulations, aka the alleged "me." 

And talking of "life serving me lemons" (which it has, relentlessly in the last decade especially, on a certain level of outer desire fulfillment): I know, I know, we are supposed to "make lemonade." And I tried. I have practiced gratitude and re-attitude when situations and even people have seemed to attack or betray me. More valuable, however, has been moving into the deep, searing pain of the lemons that are trying to curdle the pain up from my very soul. Lemons are acid, yet somehow they alkalize the body. My emotional self has become alkalized by letting my heart break rather than going numb. 

It's all about the heart. That is all this website and my work and my life are about, even though I don't say it all the time, because it sounds like some Hallmark branding. But my journey has mellowed and opened my heart, almost unbearably. That which is not heartful in people is clearly seen, yet there is a willingness to see through that into the heart we all share. Sometimes this gets me into temporary pain or trouble, but my inner guides get me out quickly. The true opening of the Heart to the divine in self and in all comes with inbuilt protection. And the rewards are THE BEST. Nothing else––not wild sex, nor money, nor Cirque de Soleil flexibility, health and fitness, nor the endless distraction of a modern New Agey or "creative" life (been there and done all that except perhaps the Cirque thang) can remotely compare. To the broken-open heart life, that is. 

What would be the next step for you, today, towards living in love with everything. Oh, that sounds so clichéd, as I write it. What if it's the only thing that isn't a cliché? 

xx

Unbelievable - you can make a gif at hotmeme.net (a gif is one of these short looping videos of life––wait a minute, we're wanting to get OUT of those aren't we?). If you can't guess what I'm saying, go HERE and watch the "Iwave Quickie" video. 

Can you relate? Baby Bear is always struggling. Everything in his life is either good or bad, and trying to control the "slippage" is exhausting, depressing, demoralizing, worrying, scary, and pointless. And that's just on a good day!

Everything in Bear's life is good (when mama licks and feeds him and his siblings aren't fighting for the nipple) or bad (when she kicks him away as the runt of the pack, explaining that there just aren't enough nipples!). 

We live in a ridiculous world or dimension that in Iwave teaching I'm calling 2-D, meaning a dimension of Twoness. This is the Land of the Knowledge of Good and Evil  that Adam and Eve "fell" into. Previously they had been living in Oneness, in Eden, completely taken care of in every way. 

This "good and evil" consciousness is sometimes called "duality," and everyone, absolutely everyone, especially in Eastern teachings, goes on and on about it. How many times have we heard that "dualistic mind is the problem." It sees things in terms of opposites. Yada yada yada. Right diagnosis!

And the solution? Usually the prescription is to just get the hell out of Dodge. Watch that "Monkey Mind" and you will separate from that illusory world of struggle. You will stop reacting to it. It will still be there, but you will stop reacting. You only have control over your reactions, not the events "out there." 

Oh really?

What does this mean, to "tiptoe past the sleeping guards?" The short version is that we keep getting glimpses of Oneness, or our True Self, or Joy, and then… OMG… losing them. Those sucky guards at the door of your ego or pain-self wake up and throw you back in the jail of anxiety, or whatever your particular favorite (or most resisted) version of self may be. 

We are all on a journey of ascension. You wouldn't even get to this website if you weren't. I don't usually call it "ascension," preferring, like most spiritually correct folks in my zipcode, to say "awakening," or maybe "enlightenment" or just "waking up." But it is an ascension, albeit via a spiral staircase that dips and loops like a roller coaster, because as we progress towards Oneness we can see more clearly in all directions, like when you "zoom out" on Google Earth. 

This whole website and my life's work are about not zooming out too fast. Or thinking you've zoomed out and failing to integrate some part of your gnarly, complex self.

(BTW as I said in recent newsletter here, there is also a "C"word, to be revealed at the 1-Day and if you guess it, there's a prize)

The "G" word is God. God God God God God God God (notice the feeling in your body!) 

Yes, I know. This word carries an incredible amount of baggage. Let's not tiptoe around it: humans have been trending in a patriarchal meme for several thousand years (around 4000, but that's another story). And so much of the domination by a hierarchy of a few males over not only women, but minorities (racial, sexual orientation, nationality, whatever) has been carried out in the name of an alleged "GOD." 

We New Agers have a trick to get around this (and I mean you, even if you're a sophisticated Buddhist or Sufi intellectual or whatever; do you really want the Old Age back in which you couldn't even express or practice your alternate lifestyle?). Our trick is to call what used to be called "God" something else, like: Oneness, The One, Goddess, Spirit, Universe, Force, Beingness, All That Is, Tao, The Great I Am (and on and on). Oh yes, and all those physics words, like Field, and Zero-Point Field. Not to mention my own coining of The Infinite Wave. And all these are perfectly good words for… well… for Itself (whatever you call it). In Wave 3 I used to call it the Unnameable, but that is hard to pronounce, and spell. 

God, on the other hand, is short and sweet, and easy to pronounce. Only Tao is as short, and is usually mispronounced. So I'm going to say, "Get over it!" And NOT just because God is a handy word, used by pretty much all mystics from all parts of the world and times in history. Even modern mystics who have become enlightened through non-patriarchal lineages, or none, use this word. If you want to drink their inspiration, they are going to be talking about "God."

But here's the main reason I recommend working through your aversion to the word "God." It activates our Father Wound! 

And quite rightly! The whole idea of a universe created by 3 guys without a woman (as in "Father, Son and Holy Spirit") is beyond ridiculous. How did everyone go for it for so long? Ah, those priestly power structures where the populace gave money and energy to the priests so they would keep them in the dark!  It is a great relief to call "It" "She." My work used to be called Motherwave. And as a planet, we haven't even begun to balance our male and female aspects so they become cooperative. 

Yet trying to get round the word "God" leaves a whole piece of wounding stuck in our bodies. Which means in our souls, for our bodies are the print-out of our souls' scars anyway (the Sanskrit word for pain carried by a soul from incarnation to incarnation is samskaras, which could be translated as  = "some scars"). Here's the central issue, as I've experienced it (in me and those I've worked with): 

AUTHORITY! Those darn priests and misogynistic spiritual teachers and teachings have used the emphasis on the masculine to maintain authority authority authority. 

Our response, at least in certain parts of the world meme-field (such as the kind of people probably reading this) has been to rebel against all authority and become OUR OWN AUTHORITY! 

"YES! I AM THE AUTHOR OF MY LIFE!" we yell. 

Do you see eyes or bosoms in this picture of our galactic parent? Are you a new mystic? What do I mean by this? 

 I'm about to teach a training for the first time in more than 2 years:
It's a 1-Day called
The Infinite Wave: A Mystic Shift,  June 8 (go here for more information), 
...and so I'm finally sending out a mailing to my list, also the first "outreach" in more than 2 years, which means––yikes!––I'm finally giving out the address of this website to my mailing list. My close friends think it's pretty funny that I've been working on this site (and if you take a look, there's a LOT here!) for years without publicizing the fact that it even exists… but then, you had to be there, in my consciousness, full of downloaded inspiration, but needing a break from larger-scale interaction. (And don't worry, I have plenty of intimate friendships; I haven't been isolated!).

So as I've been starting to talk about what I'm experiencing, and introduce the new mystic path that has been helping me SO MUCH, to the point that the very concept of "me" is finally melting, thank Goddess, I've been talking about the difference between "New" and Old" Mysticism. And about becoming a NEW Mystic. 

What do I mean by this? Well, there's a long answer to that. I'm working on a slideshow: The New Mystic Manifesto, that I hope to turn into a YouTube video, explaining new mysticism, which covers ideas from chaos theory, a new map of consciousness, and also defines the difference between mysticism (Oneness) and metaphysics, or the mental arts and sciences (Twoness). And which also defines what I mean by "New" mystic, compared with "Old."

Here's a very short version of a couple of differences between an "Old" and "New" Mystic. There are many more, including huge differences between Western and Eastern mysticism, conceptions of emptiness and fullness… (and to say this is simplified is to really simplify things)…:

Well, there's more. That's all for now, folks. I'm looking forward to a direct transmission of my experience when some of you are sitting with me on June 8. 

My work is now called The Infinite Wave because the single biggest influence on my life in the last 7-8 years has been The Infinite Way, the work of Joel Goldsmith, an American mystic who died in 1964, (long before I took my first and last acid trip!).  His first book, and the pathless path he founded, is called The Infinite Way, and you can order it HERE on Amazon and (make sure you get this genuine version––the cover should look as in this pic).

I will explain at the end of this post the difference between The Infinite Way and The Infinite Wave.  

When I discovered Joel's work, I was pretty desperate. After decades on a spiritual and personal growth path, with many challenges and high spots, including decades of teaching and guiding others, I found myself in an extreme X-Games challenge, involving huge losses of pretty much everything in my life, and worse, shocking betrayals by those I thought were "of my household." All areas of my life fell off the wagon––what I call the Four Biggies: Love, Wealth, Health and Life Purpose. And another area was teetering: my relationship with Life Itself, or what you might call my ability to trust in God, in Love, in any positive or guiding purpose to my existence.

 Although I had been on a spiritual path since I was 18, the rubber was now meeting the road. Could I trust a higher power, an infinite intelligence, to carry me through these levels of pain, fear and confusion? Could I even trust It to come up with my rent? Or heal my body when I briefly got the diagnosis we all fear? Or to fill my heart when it felt abused and abandoned beyond simple brokenness? 

I already knew a lot. I knew how to breathe, feel, think and vibrate myself (and others) through the up-down waves of life. I knew myself to be surrounded by helpful Spirit energies. I knew how to tune into the wave of Now Presence (but was too anxious to abide in that). I had been teaching about this for a very long time, and of course had lived in moments of incredible Oneness. But this multidimensional dark night of the soul needed stronger medicine. And that was where The Infinite Way came in.

One day I came home after a particularly difficult betrayal experience, and started looking through my library (of more than a 1000 books - I am a voracious reader) for guidance. Everything just looked like New Age gobbledegook, some author's attempt to recategorize the same old, same old metaphysical teachings according to his human mind. How to "use" the Force, or God, or whatever, for our ego's manipulations. 

Then a book kind of "fell on me." It was in the top corner of my back room (which is a library) and it was an old book which I had been carrying with me, unnoticed, as I moved from lifetime to lifetime for more than 25 years. Someone knew it was there! It was "The Thunder of Silence" by Joel Goldsmith. The pages were moldy, but as I started reading, my heart and soul came alive and I stayed up all night. By the morning, my faith and connection to Source had returned. 

Most people to whom I suggest Joel Goldsmith's work don't find it easy to read. 
Joel uses Christ's teaching words to express his inner revelations about the Oneness of everything. For some people this triggers too much old Christian wounding, but this isn't Christianity, except in the most essential mystical sense. In fact, who knew that Jesus was such a mystic? I didn't. And who knew there was SUCH a difference between his brand of mysticism and the preceding Hebrew teaching and also the Eastern teachings about illusion and Maya (although these definitely influenced Jesus). In The Infinite Way (and Wave!), the physical world isn't shunned and considered illusory, but healed and made whole, or rather, revealed as being whole already.  Oneness doesn't exclude anything, but it is quite a different perspective from Twoness, the mind's fearful version of reality, which DOES get outpictured in our apparent suffering world. 

If you can get through any initial reactions to Joel's writing (or audios, which you can find online), you may find, like I and many of my spiritual friends have found, that the information is like chocolate––almost the ONLY thing we want to read and return to, for guidance. Eckhart Tolle loves Joel, if that helps ;-)   It may also help you to know that Joel healed thousands and thousands of people completely, totally, and I mean PHYSICALLY, whether they had late stage cancer or horrible poverty. All you had to do was reach out to him. He didn't have to meet you. 

Difference Between Infinite Way and The Infinite Wave

The one thing about the Infinite Way path (and the many practitioners and teachers that I have met and been generously helped by) is a certain lack of––well, waviness! An incredible soul-saving philosophy and some of the most genuinely living-in-Oneness people I have ever met. And… in my experience, as I am expressing throughout this vast website, the fully-integrated Oneness includes the body, the emotions, the direct experience of life energy as part of the process of going into Oneness, rather than as a separate "matter" (which of course comes from the latin mater, meaning mother, which is the diverse, manifesting, dynamic aspect of consciousness that higher consciousness often denies).  

So I was driving down Highway 101 one day, thinking, "I've got to convey the message of The Infinite Way, but in a more WAVY way."  Duh! The phrase "The Infinite Wave" just landed as the most obvious "handle" to present the path that has worked for me. 

So here we are! The Infinite Wave aka Iwave. (But don't let this last paragraph stop you exploring Joel Goldsmith's books if you feel drawn - you will be able to put his infinite transmission together with the wavier aspects of Iwave). And btw, The "I" in Iwave stands for the Infinite Invisible I. Wave stands for its wavy expression through matter, heartful feelings and life force. 

This article is about OnlyWhatReallyWorks, which is the motto of this website. 

There are so many paths out there that it can get quite confusing (I have written articles about this on the about page). In my own life I've followed several paths that were not integrated, all the way into several brick walls. It would have been a waste of time, except that it sparked a passion to find an authentic, workable integrated pathway to Enlightenment, Joy, Freedom, Abundance and Love,  Inc. (Yes, Inc.! It means Incorporated, and that's the problem with most paths: they are not incorporated––i.e. embodied in the corpus).

What I have found really works for myself and many, many others (thousands of people over several decades, btw), is a BIOSPIRITUAL Heart-based Solution, that involves three parts:

In the previous post, I quoted Eben Alexander saying that Love is scientific. I'm going to keep blogging about this for a while. Let's explore our resistances to this idea, our fears it ain't true:

Instead of asking "Who Am I," let's ask "Where Am I?" We all live in a certain field––a climate, environment, domain or world that we think is Reality.  Yet in fact where most of us live most of the time is in a field of memes (and yes, if you build it, they WILL come!). (If you don't quite know what memes are, jump to the next paragraph, then come back.) And one of the most prevalent meme-fields that has come to seem like Reality Itself (in other words, everything is judged by this as though it's the "norm"), is the scientific, reductionist, humanist, atheist meme-field. We don't even realize we are living in it, because it pretends to be neutral, but of course it is a religious cult just like any other. I was raised by true believers of this meme-field: British physicist, atheist, left-wing parents (God bless 'em!), and if I hadn't been shocked awake by an unsought, no-drugs spiritual awakening when I was 18, I would still be propagating this meme, probably for a living, as all my family members did. 

What is a meme-field? I'm assuming by now that the word "meme" has hit the "meme-waves" enough that most people who read things on the Internet (you) have a sense of its meaning. I won't go into it in a big way (although I used to teach a long segment on memetics in trainings 20 years ago, when the idea of memes was still a new meme). A meme is a reproducible unit of information that gets spread through a culture like a virus. Beliefs are memes, as are snippets of song, or visual styles. YouTube videos of sleeping kittens are memes 

"I'm a meme!"

""Love is the basis of everything... Not much of a scientific insight? Well, I beg to differ. I'm back from that place, and nothing could convince me the this is not only the single most important emotional truth in the universe, but also the single most important SCIENTIFIC truth as well." ––Eben Alexander, M.D.
Last week I went to see Eben Alexander, author of the bestselling book Proof of Heaven, which has been a #1 NY Times best-seller for 72 weeks. I love books about NDEs (Near-Death Experiences), and this is a very good one. It's very short, too: read it! The dramatic sentence quoted above is now on the home page of this website.

I had met Eben last year at a conference, where we began a conversation about science and spirituality, which we continued last week. In his book and talks, he cites the usual and (to me) rather over-quoted examples from quantum physics, and I was urging him to explore chaos theory, which I think has more to say about our human condition, and how to bridge from where we are into higher consciousness... but that's another story.

The real story of Dr. Alexander's 9-day coma is a love story, or rather A LOVE Story. It's a dramatic tale, because he was medically recorded to have flat-lined for more than a week, so the usual "it's just brain activity" arguments don't apply. But what I really like about his book, and also his transmission in person, is that he really gets across the message that the universe is not only friendly, but more loving than you can possibly imagine.

Here is page 71 of Proof of Heaven: I've been reading this page to clients, and I actually had Eben sign this page in my copy, because I feel it to be almost scriptural in its profound impact:

"But none of that mattered, because I had already been taught the one thing––the only thing––that, in the last analysis, truly matters. I had initially received this piece of knowledge from my (now read the page below…)